Practically Perfect In Every Way

I just finished Practically Perfect in Every Way by Jennifer Niesslein, who happens to be the editor and co-creator of of Brain, Child. Niesslein wrote the book while conducting a series of what she calls experiments, with the goal of being happier. She breaks her life into compartments, such as home, marriage, parenting, finances, etc. and reads self-help books to try and improve her life in each area. I am not a stranger to self-help books, especially of the parenting variety, so I can understand believing that a book or an expert is going to be able to give you all the answers you need to "fix" your life.

Niesslein writes with a lot of humor and is very smart to boot, but I think part of what makes her book so interesting is how honest she is about her life. She is not afraid to admit her shortcomings and gives her readers not just the jist of each book, but how it affected her. I do think the book was a little long and started to drag towards the end, but it finished strong. What has stuck out in my mind the most about this book, is how Niesslein says that self-help can really make you focus too much on yourself and get stuck in your own head way too often. If this book has a message, it is that happiness is not found in focusing on yourself, but in contributing to the greater good.

Out of the 30 or more books and websites that Niesslein describes in her book, there are two I want to read: Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman and When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner. I want to read Authentic Happiness, because I feel like happiness is a very slippery thing and I want to learn how to hold on to it a little better. In Practically Perfect, Niesslein describes how Seligman describes the difference between pleasure and gratifcation, which I found very intriguing. I think Kushner's book might actually help me to deal with some of the questions I have had about spirutuality and faith. I will try and take Niesslein's advice though, and not get too wrapped up in my own introspection to pay attention to what is going on around me.

The Biggest Bed in the World

The Biggest Bed in the World by Lindsay Camp and Jonathan Langley. Sorry no link because this book is out of print. I paid 20 dollars on half.com for it. This book is great. It is about a family that has a baby who sleeps in their bed instead of his crib, then they add like 5 more kids to the family. All along the way the dad gets or makes a bigger bed. Everyone sleeps in the same bed. Until the Dad has enough and instead of making a bigger bed he kicks all the kids out, (not in a bad, mean way) and goes back to the small queen size bed he used to have. The dad is having trouble getting good sleep and so everyone starts sleeping in their own bed and then... the bed feels empty and the dad STILL can't sleep. So they all move back into mom and dad's bed which is now once again the smaller version. Very sweet. And they all get good sleep.

As a parent who parents alternatively it is really nice to have books like this that reinforce our beliefs. I say it that way because I know some people reading this may see this as just using propaganda to support our decisions. Actually, this isn't too far off base. I was thinking the other day about all the moms who I hear complain that they feel like they are villianized for not breastfeeding, I live in a very conservative corner of Ohio. And while I do see some criticism there, about choosing not to breastfeed a newborn, I think that the messages we send our kids about bottles, cribs, regular schooling are very subliminal but strong. Using the breastfeeding example I do agree that their is a very vocal voice saying you should breastfeed for the first 6 mos to a year. But, I think the louder voice says you are bad if you do not use bottles in some way and if you breastfeed beyond a year. This voice is mostly through images and cultural portrayals. I sort of touched on this on the other children's book I reviewed. So yes, I am using this propaganda to my advantage. It is important to me that my kids feel normal. Right now we really need to find some children's books on homeschooling! This book does normalize co sleeping, or sleep sharing, or the Family Bed.

When we choose books for our children I think we are looking for images that support what we say. That help kids see what they live in action. In our house books have helped us with potty training and sharing. So it is nice to have some of these alternative books about being a family like us.

(By the way, I am not condemning any parenting. I think each family is unique and needs to use the best strategies in their house. We are very left of center in how we parent but by no ways do I think we are right! We are just doing what is best for us as parents and our personalities and how we intersect our particular children.)

Bee Season

I read this book during finals week. A little diversion. It was good because it was compelling enough to want to read when I needed a break but not a stay up all night and not be able to study the next day compelling. The family in this book is so messed up I can not even begin. Most of the dysfunction is close enough to home that you feel good that it isn't that bad in your life but just enough uncomfortable that you can identify. The plot is basically that a little girl who has been written off as ordinary ends up exhibiting a remarkable talent for spelling during spelling bee season. I really felt like the little girl was a heroine. She seems to be the only one tuned in to those around her and not completely self absorbed that she can't reach out to other people in her family. This in itself is sad because at her age kids are basically supposed to be self absorbed. Throughout the book she makes adult decisions with childlike reasoning. I remember doing a lot of that in a very different way growing up and really connected with her on that front. When I rated this book on good reads I only could give it three stars. I hesitated. I wanted to give it four stars. It is painful to read though, so I had to stop at three. One of the greatest things about this book is the writing. In the beginning the author gives you enough of a background story that you really know the characters. They are fully developed and she lets you in on their childhoods without giving you and extra 300 pages! Also, there were some phrases that really caught me. I liked the way they were written and how they contributed to the story. I find the older I get the more important writing is to me. I used to be able to read a bunch of John Grisham and such but, lately I need solid stories and writing not just the same watered down story and a shot of adrenaline (sorry Mag!) This book has actually been made into a movie. But, as your English teacher always told you read the book first. I can not attest to the movie, based on the trailers I felt that it didn't match the book. It looks to me that the movie focuses on the father whereas the book focuses on the daughter.

Favorite Quotes:

Page 54:

"As far as Eliza can remember, this is the first time she has ever held both parents' hands at once. She swings her arms back and forth, penduluming them the way she's seen happy children do on Kodak commercials."

Page 192:

"What felt like possibility has soured into awkwardness, the weight of unexploded conversations too much for the moment to bear. Saul clasps his son in a hug. It was the hug meant for words unspoken, a hug which, in their absence, feels staged."

What next, well I have Life of Pi out from the library and I am also tempted to join the online Mindless Book Club and read their selections. May's book is Eating Heaven. Happy Reading!

Ma! There's Nothing to Do Here! by Barbara Park

Mag and I have decided that we are going to review both children's and adult books, and the intersection of parenting books as well. Actually Mag suggested it and I thought...I don't think I will ever put a review for a kids book on there. But, here I am, doing just that. I was looking for the book Playful Parenting at the bookstore when I came across this book. We are planning to have a baby in July or late June. I guess we are a little more than planning since we are 31 weeks pregnant. Anyway, the babe in waiting is posterior, so I feel tons of kicks, punches and other such things on the outside of my belly. So when I saw this title I had to stand there and read it. Knowing I would not be buying it. (Ha! Ha!) I am very choosy about the books that come into our house. Especially about babies and such. My daughter received a lot of big sister books after her brother was born and most of them have had to be secretly smuggled out of the house after a few weeks. The things is our babes don't come home from the hospital they come out at home, they don't get bottles or pacifiers from big sis, they get exclusively breastfed by mom, they don't sleep in cribs, they sleep with us. God Bless all of you that can take the time to fill up bottles, want to birth in hospital, those of you that have the energy to get out of bed to feed. That is what most of my friends do. I am just too lazy and we also feel that these things work for our family (they may or may not work for you.) Anyway, the images in most books center around bottles, cribs and pacis. So I have trouble with filling my kids with those pictures. So I assumed this book would give me a smile but I wouldn't leave with it. I was surprised when there were only three pics including these things and they weren't affiliated with the baby, at one point the baby does ask for a crib among shampoo and other things. They were more in the background very small, out of scale. So I bought it.

I liked this book because it the baby talks about all the stuff it can't wait to do when it has escaped. Like swing from monkey bars or paddle a canoe. In the end the baby decides to just wait until it is time. What I like about this book is that it gets the kids and mom excited about all the stuff the baby will learn to do. I creates a bit of expectation. It also is funny to me as a mama in gestation. I am able to avoid the things that most books have that make my kids feel different. (Believe me a four year old picks up on this.)

My favorite part comes at the end: "So, Ma, here's the plan. Let's rest while we can. I'll stay in here longer- get bigger, grow stronger. Then ready...set...YAY! I'll be comin to play! Well, that's it I guess. I've got your address. Kiss Pop for me, please...And give him a squeeze. I'll meet him soon, maybe! I LOVE YOU, Your Baby"

Our favorite book is Welcome With Love. this book is from a child's perspective about the home birth of his new sibling. Very accurate and very helpful in preparing your 2 year old for a home birth.

Expecting Adam

Expecting Adam by Martha Beck is a memoir of the author's pregnancy with her son. She finds out about halfway through her pregnancy that her son is going to be born with Down Syndrome. Beck and her husband are both P.h.D students at Harvard at the time and shock all their professors, peers and the staff at the student medical center with their decision to keep their baby. Beck is very clear that she is pro-choice, but states that for many reasons that she can't explain, she just couldn't abort this baby.

Throughout the book, Beck describes how she felt the presence of supernatural beings helping her through her pregnancy, particularly when she was very sick and lonely or facing extreme criticism for her choice to keep her baby. I can't say that I've every felt a divine presence holding my hand or anything like that, but I have felt like there were regular people that reached out to me under the guidance of God. Once when I was in college I got locked out of my house while my husband was out of town and had to hitchhike 10-miles to my sister-in-law's apartment (she was a student too and didn't have a car at the time). I had tried calling a cab, but our sleepy little college town didn't have taxis running in the summer. Anyway, while I began walking on the shoulder of the highway, I began praying that a woman would stop and pick me up. Within a couple of minutes a young woman did in fact stop for me. She said that she normally would never pick up a hitchhiker, but a voice inside her head told her to. Beck says there is no difference between human love and divine love and that "any person who acts out of love is acting for God."

I have a 21-month-old daughter who has special needs, and while her condition is nothing like Down Syndrome, reading this book made me face how I am feeling about my daughter's difficulties (she has loose tendons in her ankles that have prevented her from learning to walk) and was actually therapeutic. The friend that loaned me the book highlighted this quote, which I would like to share: "I am always perversely happy to hear that a friend has been knocked upside the head by some unpleasant event. I am not glad they've experienced pain, but I am profoundly grateful for the down-to-earth compassion that merges only when people face their pain and absorb it into the fabric of their lives."

I could go on and on about all the different things this book made me think about, like abortion and genetic testing to name a few, but I'll just leave it at saying it was a very though provoking book. I would recommend this book to others, but not to anyone who is currently pregnant.

Welcome

Hi my (pen) name is Meg and I live in Ohio. I am a mom and a student. I love to read. For me reading is something that helps to keep me sane and helps me feel normal. I notice that when my life starts to feel crazy that I have not been taking the time to read. In my past reading has also been like therapy. The book that comes to mind most in this area is Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (I hated the movie though.) I don't have the best relationship with my mom and this book helped me see her more as a person and move past some of my issues with her. My mom is a lot like the mom in this book. I also find that reading is an escape from mothering and everyday life. Peace like a River is one of the best books I have read. See the sidebar for more favorites. Barbara Kingsolver is one of my favorite authors. I also like Tracy Chevalier, the Harry Potter Series, and memoirs and some classics. When I was younger my favorite book was The Crucible, yes I know it is a play, but I read it over and over.
Mag (also a pen name) and I live on opposite sides of the country and this blog is a place for us to review some of the books we are reading. So, pull up a chair and a book and say hello! And please feel free to suggest your favorite books! Right now I am currently reading Playful Parenting, but reading non fiction is just not doing it so I need to find a good fiction book or memoir to double team!
Hi, Mag here. I live in Washington, the state not DC. I like to think of myself as a professional mother. I am interested in art and writing and also spend a lot of my energy helping with my children's co-op preschool. I've been an avid reader since I was in third grade and my teacher recommended the Little House on the Prairie books. I used to read pretty much soley fiction, until I met Meg and she recommended some great non-fiction books like Nickel and Dimed. Most of the non-fiction I read now is either related to parenting or education. I also like memoirs quite a bit, especially ones I can relate to. Last night I finished Expecting Adam and I am in the middle of Operating Instructions and Practically Perfect In Every Way. One of my all-time favorite books is Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man by Fannie Flag--I have reread it several times when I was in need of a good laugh.
I am really excited about having a blog dedicated to books and hope to get to know others that are as passionate about reading as Meg and I are. So, like Meg said, introduce yourselves and tell us what you are reading!

Siblings Without Rivalry

I finished reading Siblings Without Rivalry a few weeks ago, but for some reason didn't get around to writing a review of it. I read it for the parenting book club that I attend. It was a really easy read and had lots of examples that the authors took from parenting seminars that they taught. There were several pieces of advice that have stuck with me since reading it and that I am trying to follow:
1) Not taking sides in an argument between siblings
2) Helping children solve their own disagreements
3) Emphasizing teamwork, not competion among siblings
4) Not casting children into roles within the family
5) Valuing each child fo their uniqueness
Some of this stuff may seem like it is for people with older children than mine, but I want to take a proactive approach on this issue. I would rather be educated early on so that I can prevent as much sibling rivalry as possible. I want my children to be good friends and I hope this is not too much to ask for. I don't want them to see the other one as their competion for attention, love, etc.
This book also made me realize that it is not too late to develop a closer relationship with my brother. The authors describe how many of the people in their workshop ended up having revelations about their own relationships with their siblings and went on to try and repair those relationships. My brother and I are five years apart and have totally different interests and have never really been close. However, I think if I just made more of an effort to stay in contact, we could be closer than we are now. Especially since we share the bond of both being parents now.

Waiting For Birdy by Catherine Newman

Waiting for Birdy

I enjoyed this book a lot. It was good to read while pregnant because I could identify with her pregnancy and some of her feelings. It is a little along the lines of Operating Instructions in my opinion, which is also a fabulous book. What I liked was reading this book and feeling like I wasn't so crazy after all. It is so easy to forget that hormones sort of take us knocked up women down to a common level. The style is sort of a cross between conversation/journal entry. At times I laughed out loud. The whole time I felt like I was right there with her. This wasn't an in depth analyze it read. It was a feel good read. If need something light and at the same time very real and honest pick it up. It may take you back to when you were pregnant or make you feel less crazy if you are currently. Happy Reading!

(This post is lifted from my original blog, The Mama Chronicles)

Spring Recommendations for Children

My son sometimes goes through periods where he is not as interested in reading as he is at other times. When this happen I know it is time for some new books to rekindle his love of reading. Right now we have lots of new books at our house because our Scholastic book order came in and we went to the library to exchange our old library books for new ones. I personally love good children's books and thought I would share a handful of my current favorites.

An Egg is Quiet The illustrations and layout of this book are absolutely beautiful. I also like it because you can choose to read only the main points and still have a cohesive story for younger children, or you can read the more detailed information if your audience has a longer attention span or has questions.

Come On, Rain! When reading this story you can easily put yourself in the main character's shoes and feel how desperate she is for rain. It is also has a fun ending and I like the watercolor illustrations--very fitting for a story about rain.

This is the Sunflower I am not a big fan of books with cumulative rhymes, but my son really enjoys this book and it does a nice job of showing what flowers need to grow, as well as how birds help to spread seeds around.

Living Color This is a non-fiction book that shows children the variety of color that animals can be and teaches them about many exotic animals. This is not a book you would want to read in one sitting, but rather take your time looking at over a couple days.

Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late! My son loves the silly and off-beat humor in this book. It is part of a series and I believe we have checked them all out at the library at one time or another. He was extremely excited to find out I had bought this one for him. When it come to books, I don't mind spoiling my children at all.

Little Pea I have saved the best for last. This is the funniest and most creative children's book I have read in a long time. I am tempted to give a hint as to what makes it so funny, but I don't want to ruin the element of surprise. It is by the same author that wrote the OK Book, another very entertaining story. If you have an recommendations for children's books, I would love to hear them.

The Appeal

I haven't been that excited to write a review of this book, probably because the book itself was somewhat of a disappointment. I have been a John Grisham fan since high school and have read nearly every book he has ever written, but The Appeal has to be my least favorite. If I could describe this book in one word it would be SOAPBOX.
It's not that I don't agree with what he is saying, we do need campaign finance reform in this country. It would be nice to know that our elected officials are not being bought by special interest groups and were only are representing the interests of their constituents. However, if an author is going to use a fictional story as a way to express thier political beliefs, I think it should be done much more subtely. This book could have been so much better if he had only focused on the story and not the message he wanted to send. It did pick up in the last section of the book and there were some twists that I didn't see coming, but in the end Grisham just couldn't get off his soapbox and give his readers the kind of story we are used to getting from him.

More Books and The Pleasures of Not Reading

I have more books to tell you about. Should we do the good or the bad first?

Let's do bad? I'm the one who is "bad." I have chosen not to finish the book for tomorrow night's book club. I knew into the first chapter this wasn't my type of book. People in the book club I run and LOVING IT. So to be fair you may love it too. But, March, for me was like being locked out on a cold winter night. I just couldn't get into it! It is is historical fiction. Which I do enjoy. But, the author wrote it like you were living in that time. I mean by this that the language she used was more accurate to the era. I could get past this. But the main character. I didn't like him. It has been a long, long, time since I read Little Women (this book is supposed to be the Father's story from this book) but I don't think that I pictured the father this way. I did not like how he treated his wife. Never really opening up to her. Maybe I missed something in Little Women. But, I just didn't like this guy. Amazon people really liked it. It has 122 reviews and 4/5 star average. So good luck if you decide to read it. Maybe it was that I didn't care for the author's style because really I don't care to read anymore of her books. I just felt like it was too romantic in ideas and notions and not "real." Sorry, I know I am so vague. I did skim the rest of the book for the plot and have a good idea what happens to lead discussion tomorrow night. This was a library book, so yay, no cost outlay.

Second book I am not going to finish. Every Mother Is A Daughter This book I can't get into because I don't identify with the characters. I think I would like it if I had a good relationship with my mom and could relate to them as a mother daughter pair. But, I just am not coming into the book with shared understanding. I see great potential in this book and that it could be very touching. But, I was not the right audience. I can't encourage or discourage you to read this or not. I could see how a lot of people would like it. I just wasn't the target audience, I think. Unfortunately, I bought this book. I had a gift card and wanted to try something new. I was caught up in the knitting pattern and recipe inclusions. They weren't anything to advertise. Just a couple here and then there and that was it. But, that is what half.com is for right?

One more thing on not finishing books. This. is. so. not. me. I always finish books I don't like. I feel like I have no right to an opinion unless I finish it. But, lately I am giving myself more grace and realizing that reading is my enjoyment. I don't know if it is me trying to extend forgiveness and grace to myself or turning 30 this year. But, I realize I don't have to read something I am not enjoying. Freeing!

The good: The Birth House This book is two big thumbs up. I really enjoyed it and felt in a lot of ways it was very well researched and accurate. It is about an early 1900's midwife who only catches 4 or so babies. So she is an occasional midwife. This is so much about her and her learning to accept herself and grow into her own space. From the outside you see how strong and true she is. I identified with her a lot. My favorite part of this book is the struggle between her and a local obstetrician who is trying to shut her down. It amazed me how this is exactly how this struggle plays out today. It was affirming that just because of attack midwifery can't die out. It is as old as dirt and can't be snuffed. I think lots of people would like this book and that it would be able to demonstrate the struggle of midwives and the practice of traditional midwives fairly accurately. I would say that today's midwives use a lot more research. But the thread of evidence based care is the same then and now. You do what works. You listen to the mama and you respect the wisdom of lifetimes of babies being born. I think you could read this book and not feel like home birth is being thrown in your face. I have to admit I cried a lot during this book. It reminded me of all the things I miss. My apprenticeship, the feeling of being at a birth, and the joy of pregnant women being nearby! I cried about not being in a place where I get to do my life's work right now. I questioned my decision to take the "safe, legal" nurse midwifery route. But, I am finishing this book with peace knowing that in time I will be catching babies being at births again and doing what I am called to do. I hate learning patience.

(This post is lifted from my original blog, The Mama Chronicles)

A Thousand Splendid Suns

This was a book that I simply could not put down, even though through most of it I was sick to my stomach. Sick because while this is a fictional story, I know from other sources that it is an accurate portrayal of what life has really been like for many Afghan women and Muslim women in other countries. I have a real problem with a culture that treats women like caged animals--unable to even leave their houses without being escorted by a male relative. Hosseini also brings to life the horrors of war and political turmoil and the choices they force people to make.
Beyond the cultural and historical context Hosseini creates, the stories of the two heroines and how their lives become intertwined are heartbreaking as well. I found it very interesting that while the early lives of both Mariam and Laila were very different, they shared having mothers that seemed to not want them. I wonder if Hosseini's intention in creating this parallel was to make it more believable to the reader that they could bond relatively quickly and become one another's confidants.
I also found it interesting that while Laila was educated and Mariam was not, they both became dependant on a man for their survival. Of course in Laila's situation it was mainly due to a raging war and an oppresive atmosphere for women, but I think that even in America this still happens to a degree. Often educated women, women who once had good jobs, give all that up to become professional mothers. Suddenly, they find themselves completely dependant on their husbands or partners for financial security. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this, I am one of these women myself, I am just saying it can sometimes make you feel a little bit like a second-class citizen. Other times in this country we see women use their talents and education to back up their man. I happened to be listening to AM radio this morning and caught a little bit of Rush Limbaugh's show. He was saying that the only reason Hillary Clinton backed up Bill during all his scandals was so she could eventually have her turn to run (he was also using all kinds of adjectives to describe her which I guess are supposed to be bad in a women, but would probably be seen as evoking power in men). I don't know how fair of a statement that is about the Clintons, but maybe it says something about our country--that a woman can't even get the chance to run for president unless her husband has already held the office and everyone knows he will be in the White House right alongside her. But I digress and in all fairness, it really isn't fair to make such comparisons between the plights of Afghan and American women as we have so many more choices and opportunities, but I like to try to relate the books I read to my life and what is on my mind.
I really loved this book, especially the ending and the message it gave of how the human spirit can endure almost anything and still keep shining. I would love to get comments from anyone else who has read it and see what you found interesting or how it related to your life.

Growing Girls

Growing Girls by Jeanne Marie Laskas. I really liked this book. I was reading reviews on Amazon a minute ago and some people had some really horrible things to say about this book. There was one very nasty review of how they felt this book was so insensitive to the Chinese as a race. What I think they missed was that this book focuses on us the moms. And how we feel and the thoughts that go through our heads. I felt like this book was very honest. The parts that disturbed the other reader were related to the feelings expressed by the author regarding her adopted Chinese daughters. I don't know that I would feel very different from the author if I was struggling with the monumental questions of raising children who had been discarded because of their gender and figuring whether I should strive to help them be Chinese, American, both and to what degrees. What you do see is her love for her kids and her struggle with knowing how to do this whole mothering thing without inflicting too much damage on the children we are entrusted with, either through birth or adoption. This book did not make me think so much about adoption as I felt the focus was on us as mothers and the things that are important to us. Like how to have an open relationship with our daughters, how much they should know of the truth of life and what they should be sheltered from, specifically birth, death, and rejection. Although she ties a lot of these themes to adoption and her children's unique experience I was able to relate on many levels. This was a fun read that was a bit slow in the first chapter but then was a fast ride. I really enjoyed the author's voice and her willingness to basically think out loud. The vulnerability was on every page. I like it when I read a autobiographical book and put it down feeling like I would like to have the author as a friend or neighbor. This was a surprise find for me, I picked it up at the library on impulse. But, for you I would suggest going online and reserving it!

(This post is lifted from my original blog, The Mama Chronicles)