Monday, May 26, 2008

Practically Perfect In Every Way


I just finished Practically Perfect in Every Way by Jennifer Niesslein, who happens to be the editor and co-creator of of Brain, Child. Niesslein wrote the book while conducting a series of what she calls experiments, with the goal of being happier. She breaks her life into compartments, such as home, marriage, parenting, finances, etc. and reads self-help books to try and improve her life in each area. I am not a stranger to self-help books, especially of the parenting variety, so I can understand believing that a book or an expert is going to be able to give you all the answers you need to "fix" your life.


Niesslein writes with a lot of humor and is very smart to boot, but I think part of what makes her book so interesting is how honest she is about her life. She is not afraid to admit her shortcomings and gives her readers not just the jist of each book, but how it affected her. I do think the book was a little long and started to drag towards the end, but it finished strong. What has stuck out in my mind the most about this book, is how Niesslein says that self-help can really make you focus too much on yourself and get stuck in your own head way too often. If this book has a message, it is that happiness is not found in focusing on yourself, but in contributing to the greater good.


Out of the 30 or more books and websites that Niesslein describes in her book, there are two I want to read: Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman and When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner. I want to read Authentic Happiness, because I feel like happiness is a very slippery thing and I want to learn how to hold on to it a little better. In Practically Perfect, Niesslein describes how Seligman describes the difference between pleasure and gratifcation, which I found very intriguing. I think Kushner's book might actually help me to deal with some of the questions I have had about spirutuality and faith. I will try and take Niesslein's advice though, and not get too wrapped up in my own introspection to pay attention to what is going on around me.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The Biggest Bed in the World


The Biggest Bed in the World by Lindsay Camp and Jonathan Langley. Sorry no link because this book is out of print. I paid 20 dollars on half.com for it. This book is great. It is about a family that has a baby who sleeps in their bed instead of his crib, then they add like 5 more kids to the family. All along the way the dad gets or makes a bigger bed. Everyone sleeps in the same bed. Until the Dad has enough and instead of making a bigger bed he kicks all the kids out, (not in a bad, mean way) and goes back to the small queen size bed he used to have. The dad is having trouble getting good sleep and so everyone starts sleeping in their own bed and then... the bed feels empty and the dad STILL can't sleep. So they all move back into mom and dad's bed which is now once again the smaller version. Very sweet. And they all get good sleep.

As a parent who parents alternatively it is really nice to have books like this that reinforce our beliefs. I say it that way because I know some people reading this may see this as just using propaganda to support our decisions. Actually, this isn't too far off base. I was thinking the other day about all the moms who I hear complain that they feel like they are villianized for not breastfeeding, I live in a very conservative corner of Ohio. And while I do see some criticism there, about choosing not to breastfeed a newborn, I think that the messages we send our kids about bottles, cribs, regular schooling are very subliminal but strong. Using the breastfeeding example I do agree that their is a very vocal voice saying you should breastfeed for the first 6 mos to a year. But, I think the louder voice says you are bad if you do not use bottles in some way and if you breastfeed beyond a year. This voice is mostly through images and cultural portrayals. I sort of touched on this on the other children's book I reviewed. So yes, I am using this propaganda to my advantage. It is important to me that my kids feel normal. Right now we really need to find some children's books on homeschooling! This book does normalize co sleeping, or sleep sharing, or the Family Bed.

When we choose books for our children I think we are looking for images that support what we say. That help kids see what they live in action. In our house books have helped us with potty training and sharing. So it is nice to have some of these alternative books about being a family like us.

(By the way, I am not condemning any parenting. I think each family is unique and needs to use the best strategies in their house. We are very left of center in how we parent but by no ways do I think we are right! We are just doing what is best for us as parents and our personalities and how we intersect our particular children.)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Bee Season


I read this book during finals week. A little diversion. It was good because it was compelling enough to want to read when I needed a break but not a stay up all night and not be able to study the next day compelling. The family in this book is so messed up I can not even begin. Most of the dysfunction is close enough to home that you feel good that it isn't that bad in your life but just enough uncomfortable that you can identify. The plot is basically that a little girl who has been written off as ordinary ends up exhibiting a remarkable talent for spelling during spelling bee season. I really felt like the little girl was a heroine. She seems to be the only one tuned in to those around her and not completely self absorbed that she can't reach out to other people in her family. This in itself is sad because at her age kids are basically supposed to be self absorbed. Throughout the book she makes adult decisions with childlike reasoning. I remember doing a lot of that in a very different way growing up and really connected with her on that front. When I rated this book on good reads I only could give it three stars. I hesitated. I wanted to give it four stars. It is painful to read though, so I had to stop at three. One of the greatest things about this book is the writing. In the beginning the author gives you enough of a background story that you really know the characters. They are fully developed and she lets you in on their childhoods without giving you and extra 300 pages! Also, there were some phrases that really caught me. I liked the way they were written and how they contributed to the story. I find the older I get the more important writing is to me. I used to be able to read a bunch of John Grisham and such but, lately I need solid stories and writing not just the same watered down story and a shot of adrenaline (sorry Mag!) This book has actually been made into a movie. But, as your English teacher always told you read the book first. I can not attest to the movie, based on the trailers I felt that it didn't match the book. It looks to me that the movie focuses on the father whereas the book focuses on the daughter.

Favorite Quotes:
Page 54:
"As far as Eliza can remember, this is the first time she has ever held both parents' hands at once. She swings her arms back and forth, penduluming them the way she's seen happy children do on Kodak commercials."


Page 192:
"What felt like possibility has soured into awkwardness, the weight of unexploded conversations too much for the moment to bear. Saul clasps his son in a hug. It was the hug meant for words unspoken, a hug which, in their absence, feels staged."

What next, well I have Life of Pi out from the library and I am also tempted to join the online Mindless Book Club and read their selections. May's book is Eating Heaven. Happy Reading!