Practically Perfect In Every Way

I just finished Practically Perfect in Every Way by Jennifer Niesslein, who happens to be the editor and co-creator of of Brain, Child. Niesslein wrote the book while conducting a series of what she calls experiments, with the goal of being happier. She breaks her life into compartments, such as home, marriage, parenting, finances, etc. and reads self-help books to try and improve her life in each area. I am not a stranger to self-help books, especially of the parenting variety, so I can understand believing that a book or an expert is going to be able to give you all the answers you need to "fix" your life.

Niesslein writes with a lot of humor and is very smart to boot, but I think part of what makes her book so interesting is how honest she is about her life. She is not afraid to admit her shortcomings and gives her readers not just the jist of each book, but how it affected her. I do think the book was a little long and started to drag towards the end, but it finished strong. What has stuck out in my mind the most about this book, is how Niesslein says that self-help can really make you focus too much on yourself and get stuck in your own head way too often. If this book has a message, it is that happiness is not found in focusing on yourself, but in contributing to the greater good.

Out of the 30 or more books and websites that Niesslein describes in her book, there are two I want to read: Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman and When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner. I want to read Authentic Happiness, because I feel like happiness is a very slippery thing and I want to learn how to hold on to it a little better. In Practically Perfect, Niesslein describes how Seligman describes the difference between pleasure and gratifcation, which I found very intriguing. I think Kushner's book might actually help me to deal with some of the questions I have had about spirutuality and faith. I will try and take Niesslein's advice though, and not get too wrapped up in my own introspection to pay attention to what is going on around me.

Expecting Adam

Expecting Adam by Martha Beck is a memoir of the author's pregnancy with her son. She finds out about halfway through her pregnancy that her son is going to be born with Down Syndrome. Beck and her husband are both P.h.D students at Harvard at the time and shock all their professors, peers and the staff at the student medical center with their decision to keep their baby. Beck is very clear that she is pro-choice, but states that for many reasons that she can't explain, she just couldn't abort this baby.

Throughout the book, Beck describes how she felt the presence of supernatural beings helping her through her pregnancy, particularly when she was very sick and lonely or facing extreme criticism for her choice to keep her baby. I can't say that I've every felt a divine presence holding my hand or anything like that, but I have felt like there were regular people that reached out to me under the guidance of God. Once when I was in college I got locked out of my house while my husband was out of town and had to hitchhike 10-miles to my sister-in-law's apartment (she was a student too and didn't have a car at the time). I had tried calling a cab, but our sleepy little college town didn't have taxis running in the summer. Anyway, while I began walking on the shoulder of the highway, I began praying that a woman would stop and pick me up. Within a couple of minutes a young woman did in fact stop for me. She said that she normally would never pick up a hitchhiker, but a voice inside her head told her to. Beck says there is no difference between human love and divine love and that "any person who acts out of love is acting for God."

I have a 21-month-old daughter who has special needs, and while her condition is nothing like Down Syndrome, reading this book made me face how I am feeling about my daughter's difficulties (she has loose tendons in her ankles that have prevented her from learning to walk) and was actually therapeutic. The friend that loaned me the book highlighted this quote, which I would like to share: "I am always perversely happy to hear that a friend has been knocked upside the head by some unpleasant event. I am not glad they've experienced pain, but I am profoundly grateful for the down-to-earth compassion that merges only when people face their pain and absorb it into the fabric of their lives."

I could go on and on about all the different things this book made me think about, like abortion and genetic testing to name a few, but I'll just leave it at saying it was a very though provoking book. I would recommend this book to others, but not to anyone who is currently pregnant.

Waiting For Birdy by Catherine Newman

Waiting for Birdy

I enjoyed this book a lot. It was good to read while pregnant because I could identify with her pregnancy and some of her feelings. It is a little along the lines of Operating Instructions in my opinion, which is also a fabulous book. What I liked was reading this book and feeling like I wasn't so crazy after all. It is so easy to forget that hormones sort of take us knocked up women down to a common level. The style is sort of a cross between conversation/journal entry. At times I laughed out loud. The whole time I felt like I was right there with her. This wasn't an in depth analyze it read. It was a feel good read. If need something light and at the same time very real and honest pick it up. It may take you back to when you were pregnant or make you feel less crazy if you are currently. Happy Reading!

(This post is lifted from my original blog, The Mama Chronicles)

More Books and The Pleasures of Not Reading

I have more books to tell you about. Should we do the good or the bad first?

Let's do bad? I'm the one who is "bad." I have chosen not to finish the book for tomorrow night's book club. I knew into the first chapter this wasn't my type of book. People in the book club I run and LOVING IT. So to be fair you may love it too. But, March, for me was like being locked out on a cold winter night. I just couldn't get into it! It is is historical fiction. Which I do enjoy. But, the author wrote it like you were living in that time. I mean by this that the language she used was more accurate to the era. I could get past this. But the main character. I didn't like him. It has been a long, long, time since I read Little Women (this book is supposed to be the Father's story from this book) but I don't think that I pictured the father this way. I did not like how he treated his wife. Never really opening up to her. Maybe I missed something in Little Women. But, I just didn't like this guy. Amazon people really liked it. It has 122 reviews and 4/5 star average. So good luck if you decide to read it. Maybe it was that I didn't care for the author's style because really I don't care to read anymore of her books. I just felt like it was too romantic in ideas and notions and not "real." Sorry, I know I am so vague. I did skim the rest of the book for the plot and have a good idea what happens to lead discussion tomorrow night. This was a library book, so yay, no cost outlay.

Second book I am not going to finish. Every Mother Is A Daughter This book I can't get into because I don't identify with the characters. I think I would like it if I had a good relationship with my mom and could relate to them as a mother daughter pair. But, I just am not coming into the book with shared understanding. I see great potential in this book and that it could be very touching. But, I was not the right audience. I can't encourage or discourage you to read this or not. I could see how a lot of people would like it. I just wasn't the target audience, I think. Unfortunately, I bought this book. I had a gift card and wanted to try something new. I was caught up in the knitting pattern and recipe inclusions. They weren't anything to advertise. Just a couple here and then there and that was it. But, that is what half.com is for right?

One more thing on not finishing books. This. is. so. not. me. I always finish books I don't like. I feel like I have no right to an opinion unless I finish it. But, lately I am giving myself more grace and realizing that reading is my enjoyment. I don't know if it is me trying to extend forgiveness and grace to myself or turning 30 this year. But, I realize I don't have to read something I am not enjoying. Freeing!

The good: The Birth House This book is two big thumbs up. I really enjoyed it and felt in a lot of ways it was very well researched and accurate. It is about an early 1900's midwife who only catches 4 or so babies. So she is an occasional midwife. This is so much about her and her learning to accept herself and grow into her own space. From the outside you see how strong and true she is. I identified with her a lot. My favorite part of this book is the struggle between her and a local obstetrician who is trying to shut her down. It amazed me how this is exactly how this struggle plays out today. It was affirming that just because of attack midwifery can't die out. It is as old as dirt and can't be snuffed. I think lots of people would like this book and that it would be able to demonstrate the struggle of midwives and the practice of traditional midwives fairly accurately. I would say that today's midwives use a lot more research. But the thread of evidence based care is the same then and now. You do what works. You listen to the mama and you respect the wisdom of lifetimes of babies being born. I think you could read this book and not feel like home birth is being thrown in your face. I have to admit I cried a lot during this book. It reminded me of all the things I miss. My apprenticeship, the feeling of being at a birth, and the joy of pregnant women being nearby! I cried about not being in a place where I get to do my life's work right now. I questioned my decision to take the "safe, legal" nurse midwifery route. But, I am finishing this book with peace knowing that in time I will be catching babies being at births again and doing what I am called to do. I hate learning patience.

(This post is lifted from my original blog, The Mama Chronicles)

Growing Girls

Growing Girls by Jeanne Marie Laskas. I really liked this book. I was reading reviews on Amazon a minute ago and some people had some really horrible things to say about this book. There was one very nasty review of how they felt this book was so insensitive to the Chinese as a race. What I think they missed was that this book focuses on us the moms. And how we feel and the thoughts that go through our heads. I felt like this book was very honest. The parts that disturbed the other reader were related to the feelings expressed by the author regarding her adopted Chinese daughters. I don't know that I would feel very different from the author if I was struggling with the monumental questions of raising children who had been discarded because of their gender and figuring whether I should strive to help them be Chinese, American, both and to what degrees. What you do see is her love for her kids and her struggle with knowing how to do this whole mothering thing without inflicting too much damage on the children we are entrusted with, either through birth or adoption. This book did not make me think so much about adoption as I felt the focus was on us as mothers and the things that are important to us. Like how to have an open relationship with our daughters, how much they should know of the truth of life and what they should be sheltered from, specifically birth, death, and rejection. Although she ties a lot of these themes to adoption and her children's unique experience I was able to relate on many levels. This was a fun read that was a bit slow in the first chapter but then was a fast ride. I really enjoyed the author's voice and her willingness to basically think out loud. The vulnerability was on every page. I like it when I read a autobiographical book and put it down feeling like I would like to have the author as a friend or neighbor. This was a surprise find for me, I picked it up at the library on impulse. But, for you I would suggest going online and reserving it!

(This post is lifted from my original blog, The Mama Chronicles)